So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
