She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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