don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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