Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
