I heard we made out
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
