this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
