my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
