What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize