I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
