Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
