I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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