Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You are a genius and a whore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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