His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize