I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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