I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
