How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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