I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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