listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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