glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
