Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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