If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
