Kiss
Puke
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
