I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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