Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
