the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
