I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
