There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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