Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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