The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
