I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
