6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
