i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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