she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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