Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
