do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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