I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
