It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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