T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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