woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
