Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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