I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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