Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
