my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
