I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...