I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
