Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
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New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.