I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.