goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
