Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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