Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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