Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
