I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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