my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
