He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We talked him into tasing himself.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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