my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
