You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
