I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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