The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
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