Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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