Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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