I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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