morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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