I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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