Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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