you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
