I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My dick has a subreddit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
