will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
