I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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