i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
