I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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