im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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