oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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