How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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