Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
